We Only Struggle For So Long MultiPart Fic
by lydiamae
Summary: What if after Jenny had sent the Gossip Girl blast exploiting losing her virginity to Chuck, and before she had the chance to talk to Chuck & Blair, she ran into Nate?  Rated T for Language.
1. We Only Struggle For So Long: Part One

**We Only Struggle For So Long**

**Nate & Jenny One Shot**

_**We all want to run and hide, want to wear a mask to cover up the look of shame and regret on our faces, to rest in a dark space, and hide ourselves from the world. We sit and look back at all the wrong things we've done in our lives, how we wish we could have done everything differently. Those actions and events that went on in the past, the ones we wish we could erase. In time many will forget, where a select few, will always remember. We decide to bury our demons, not to face them. Then there are times, when facing them is the only thing we can do.**_

The cool breeze hit her hard as she stepped outside, the door of the building swinging closed behind her. The frigid autumn air was nipping at every piece of her skin that wasn't covered by her dress and tights. Folding her arms up to her chest she silently regretted not going and getting her jacket before heading outside. Though that thought was instantly pushed to the back of her mind, when she remembered that she still had to talk to _them_, to somehow rectify herself to Chuck and Blair. The last thing she needed was to leave the Upper East Side on bad terms with the pair … _again. _Though honestly, what could she say to make amends with the two? They had put her through so much, but was she really any better?

Jenny walked towards the face of the building and rested against it, feeling the cool marble press against her back, and the edges of the wall gently grazing against her bare shoulders. Dan was right; she'd stooped down to their level. The last thing she wanted to do when she had returned for the day, or for when she returned to the Upper East Side permanently. The thought made her shudder, how could she ever return to such a place that turned her into something she wasn't?

She rubbed her hand across her face, what would everyone think of her now? She'd completely and totally exploited her virginity, or lack thereof, to all of New York, plus whoever else read Gossip Girl. Now everyone knew she gave her everything to the infamous Chuck Bass.

As much as Jenny wanted to hate herself for what she did, she couldn't. Being honest, she felt completely and totally relieved. She hadn't realized how much the weight of keeping this secret to herself was pulling her down, until finally the weight was lifted. She grinned, and let out a sigh of relief. Feeling as though she was finally on the verge to becoming, well herself again, and it felt wonderful. She also realized that all she can do to make things better with Chuck and Blair, is to be honest, after living in the Upper East Side for a few years, she knew better than anyone, lying gets you nowhere.

Feeling light as air as she pressed her hands against the wall and pushed herself off the building, she started heading towards the two figures situated next to the shiny black limousine. One foot after the other, she continually repeated to herself. At the moment she felt as though she could take on the world, when one voice brought that whole world tumbling down.

"Jenny!" She heard that too familiar voice shout from down the street; out of the corner of her eye she could see his distinctive figure running up towards her.

"_Shit._" She whispered underneath her breath. She turned so her back was completely facing him and decided to keep walking; maybe he would think it wasn't her. But her plan was crushed when she felt a warm sensation spread through her body, starting from her shoulder. Which she knew could only come from Nate Archibald's skin on her skin.

"Jenny." He let out. Jenny grabbed Nate's hand on her shoulder and flung it off as she turned around to face him, rage rushing through her veins.

"Nate, what do you–" Her sentence was cut short from his exasperated voice.

"_Please_ tell me that this isn't true!" He exclaimed, shoving his phone in Jenny's face, with the Gossip Girl blast that she had just sent a few moments ago on full display. She swatted the phone away from her face. "Nate I can ex–" But once again Nate injected his thoughts before Jenny even had time to speak.

"Did you listen to a word I said to you? We're you completely out of it when I told you that you deserved someone who was going to stay with you all night? Be there in the morning when you woke up?" He took a breath, "I assume Chuck wasn't." Those last few words filled with disgust.

Jenny rolled her eyes in response, she shifted her gaze up to him, but he was looking anywhere but at her. She quietly answered "It didn't even last till morning, if you _must _know." After that phrase Nate's face went pale and his eyes locked with hers.

"I cannot believe this, and I thought Damien was bad!" Nate shouted. Jenny looked around to see that there was a crowd starting to gather around and of course some with their phones out. "Stop Nate," She murmured, but Nate kept talking.

"But obviously Damien wasn't bad enough for you, so you had to go even lower." Jenny's eyes glazed over in fury. "Nate, give it up." She interjected, constantly telling him to stop talking, each phrase getting louder and louder.

"You even went so low to give your virginity to Chuck fucking Bass." That was when Nate crossed the line.

"Nate! Shut the hell up!" Jenny screamed at him, louder than she ever has before. She grabbed him by his arm and dragged him into an alley only a few feet away, to escape the prying eyes… and cell phones. Once they were finally out of sight, Jenny placed her other hand on his opposite shoulder and shoved him against the brick wall of one of the buildings.

"Ow Jenny. What the hell?" Nate said. Jenny shook her head.

"What the hell Jenny?" She shouted, "More like what the hell Nate! What the hell gives you the right to even speak to me right now, let alone acknowledge me considering you decided to ignore that fact that maybe I might exist after I left, not even a phone call, e-mail, text or anything Nate!" Her voice was filled with hatred. "Were you ever, maybe even the littlest bit curious to know why I left, or maybe how I was doing?" Nate opened his mouth to speak, but Jenny wasn't about to let him have his say. "And you think I'm just going to let you waltz right up to me, and start yelling at me, trying to tell me how I should be living my life. I don't want you in my life anymore!" She banged her fist against the bricks, shouting in agony. Nate backed away from the wall.

"Jenny, I know you don't mean that." Nate uttered. All she could do to respond was shake her head back and forth as she paced in circles. "I just don't understand why you would go to Chuck, of all people Jenny!" He was trying to get her to look in her eyes, but she couldn't. He placed both hands on her two shoulders, and made her face him. "You know I'm always here for you." She looked up into his eyes to see sweet sincerity, but she knew him, she knew his charm and she knew it would never last. Then Nate grabbed her and pulled her into him, hugging her tight. Feeling him close to her, Jenny couldn't help but cry, as she relaxed her body into his. "Why Jenny, I thought you were smarter then this." He whispered into her hair as he held her tight, suddenly he felt Jenny's muscles clench. She brought her hands out from around him.

"Excuse me?" She muttered, flashing her bloodshot eyes up to his. She used her hand to wipe away the shed tears. "Do you actually think that I would go to Chuck Bass for advice … for comforting!" She yelled.

"Well, I don't see why else you would show up to the Empire!" He exclaimed. Jenny threw her hands in the air.

"Are you really that oblivious Nate!" shouted Jenny, running her fingers throw her disheveled blond hair. "Have you forgotten that you lived with Chuck? My god Nate, I went to the Empire looking for you! Like I always do when I need someone… and I needed you then, but you weren't there." She started to feel the hotness of wet tears running down her cheeks, but now she couldn't be bothered to wipe them away. Nate's face was plastered with a look of bewilderment. "I just wanted someone to want me Nate, because my father didn't want me, my brother didn't want me, and _you_, especially youdidn't want me."

"So when I walked into the room to see Chuck sitting there, he was the only human who maybe would listen to me. I was vulnerable Nate, but so was he. I can't blame Chuck for any of this, and neither should you." Jenny's voice quieted down with the last few words. She nodded her head, turned away from Nate and started heading away from him, but his voice chimed in.

"Do you regret it?" He asked, the words stopping her dead in her tracks. _Did she?_ Jenny sighed, and faced her body towards his again.

"Everyday." She whispered. Nate stared at her. "It's not so much having sex that I regret. The one thing I regret the most Nate, is that it wasn't you. I was saving myself for _you_." Nate's eyes flickered; inside he knew that was true. "But you jerked me around so much, and I waited. I waited while you went through problems with Blair, Serena, Vanessa, and Serena again. I listened to you, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you would see what was right in front of you. But you wouldn't even take two looks at me; after you were done with one girl you went right to the next. You didn't wait. You didn't wait for me after the fashion show, you didn't wait to see what our relationship could have been... _would _have been. I was sick of waiting for you, and Chuck, well I didn't have to wait for him." Her shoulders lifted then dropped as she took a deep breath in.

"But now it's too late Nate. I don't need you anymore, and I'm through with waiting and trying to prove myself to you." She searched Nate's eyes, hoping to see some sort of light in them, some sign that she was getting through to him. "So if you ever decide that you want me, I'm not going to fall back into your arms, never again. It's your turn to fight Nate Archibald, because I give up."

_One foot after the other_, she repeated to herself as she walked out of the alley, leaving a baffled Nate Archibald to lean against the brick wall.

**A/N: **Okay, so I know this if my first update in a _billion _years, & I'm sorry for that. For those of you who read my story "Perfect Time", well I just lost complete and total inspiration to finish it, sorry! :( But I may re-write it... Either way, I hope you guys like my latest one shot, comments are 100% appreciated :)

xx - Lydia


	2. We Only Struggle For So Long: Part Two

**We Only Struggle For So Long**

**Multi-Part Fic**

**Part Two  
**

_**Everyone looks differently on how we live our lives. Some say we live blindfolded, oblivious to what is right in front of our faces, we do what others tell us to. We no longer rely on ourselves but on our friends and family to guide us through our life. Falling on them when times get rough.**_ _**Others believe we dream more then what is expected, that we don't think of our consequences or where taking one road will lead us, or whether it will end. That our intelligence is the most important thing, to not act on impulses, to think**_ _**things through**_ _**, to be scared to take chances, and to not break out of your comfort zone. Then there are those few who believe the only way to make it through life and be happy, is to not live by the book. Not how your parents lived, not what you hear, or see, and not because you think it will make you look better for someone. You live by your own rules, you listen to what you think will bring you happiness. Not what others think. They don't know you like you know you. Your brain doesn't know you. But your heart, it truly does.**_

H is feet rested on the tile of the wooden coffee table, his hair was disheveled and his hands were shaking as he poured himself another drink. As the last drop from the bottle fell into the pool of brown liquid, he let out a grunt and chucked the empty bottle across the room as it smashed against the marble fire place. The little piles of glass continued to grow as each bottle was emptied.

He stared down at the table, laying on it was a letter, one he had just written for her. The penmanship was messy and almost at the point of being illegible . He picked it up, trying to make out the messy scribbles, it was just a lot of meaning less phrases from him, multiple different ways of apologizing, trying to decipher what he was feeling, though he still wasn't quite sure. He knew this isn't what Jenny deserved, after the previous events of the evening she deserved a full out explanation why he had ignored her existence for the past 3 months, but he didn't have one. He'd asked himself the same question over and over again. _Why? _Why was he sitting at a cafe staring into blankness because Serena had broken up with him? When he could have been soothing Jenny as she cried on his shoulder blubbering about how nobody loved her. How he would've let her wear her favorite shirt of his to bed, and after a few video games he would bring her to his room and hold her as she cried into his chest, until finally she'd fallen asleep and Nate could finally rest. But that didn't happen. _Why? _Why did she fall into the clutches of Chuck Bass? And why did she have to give it to him? Give him the pleasure that he could add one more virgin to his continuous list. _Why wasn't it me? _Nate shook his head, she deserved more than a stupid letter. He picked it up and chucked in on the floor, next to the other piles of glass.

He swung his wrist back, and endured the burning sensation as the liquor soothed its way down his throat. He grabbed his phone with his empty hand. Everything was a blur, but he knew exactly what buttons to press as he pushed down hard on the call button twice. Re-dialing that same number. But once again all he was left with was her answering machine.

T he amount of messages he had already left were too much to count, and each one was just a few slurred words and cursing, with a few bottles smashing in some. He was too drunk to think as he dropped the glass on the hardwood floor, listening to every little piece shatter, the sound intensified in his ears. He laid himself down on the couch and took a deep breath as the cushions enveloped him inside. As he exhaled he felt a lump building up in his throat. _How could I let this happen. _He questioned himself, after one sob he heard his phone respond, signaling that the message had reached it's full length potential. Not thinking much of it he closed his eyes, and within seconds was in a deep sleep.

M ere minutes later the peace and serenity was interrupted by a male entering the room. His foot steps were quick as he moved across the floor. Nate heard is name being shouted out, but it all seemed to irrelevant to what was floating around in his brain, he blocked out the voice to continue sinking into his dark abyss. T hen the feeling of two firm hands grabbing his shoulders, he felt the movement as his upper body was being pulled upwards, a feeling of sensation running through his veins, as though he'd never moved in his life. He heard his name being continuously repeated, a familiar voice that he couldn't quite but a face to .

S lowly he used all the strength he had left inside of him to open his eyes, then he saw the face to the voice, or really, the six faces of the one voice.

"Hey Chuck." Nate slurred, as he felt his muscles collapse again while he fell back into the safeness of the couch.

"Finally a sign of life." Chuck replied, Nate grunted in response, still falling in and out of consciousness. "But what the hell happened in here Nate? You decided to just drink your life away? Just for the hell of it? Then smash the empty bottles? Must have been fun." Nate was silent. "Jenny called me asking to come on check on you, she seemed kind of panicked. She wouldn't tell me why but —"

S uddenly everything started coming back to Nate, the Gossip Girl blast, the run in with Jenny, and he realized who he was talking too. H e felt as though all the liquor had been drained out of his system, the fog that had been hovering over the past events were gone. He pushed himself off the ottoman and lunged for the figure squatted in front of him. Nate's hands fit perfectly around Chuck's collar bone as he slammed him to the ground, Chucks face plastered with bewilderment.

Nate could feel his head start to feel lighter as the alcohol in his system, and the act of fast movement hit him. Though he remained in his same position, by impulse he reached for the closest object, a four inch shard of glass that he held close to Chucks face.

"You bastard." Nate murmured, "You fucking bastard." Chucks eyes narrowed at the sight of the figured straddled above him, and the color had faded from his face. He tried reasoning with Nate, but Nate showed no sign of giving in. "You took it from her, you took her everything from her." He took a breath, "And you probably didn't even think anything of it." His words were slowly starting to slur. "Did you really think that a girl like her would want to lose her virginity to a guy like you. Did you not realize that you were taking full and complete advantage of the situation and of her?" Nate's breath stunk of whiskey as he got right into Chucks face.

"I truly regret the actions of that night Nathaniel." Chuck breathed in response. "I realize Jenny was in a state of vulnerability." His eyes darted from the glass to Nate's eyes. "But she had the chance to leave, she had multiple opportunities, she went into it willingly Nate, it's not all my fault and you have to come to the realization of that." He exclaimed. Nate shook his head,

"Y ou truly make me sick Chuck." The edge of the glass slowing moving closer to Chucks throat, he heard him gulp and his eyes close. The first few seconds were silent, he waited for the agonizing pain to start, but instead heard the sound of glass shattering against the wall. Opening his eyes, Nate was still there, though not so close, and the glass was no where to be found.

"The ways I wish I could hurt you Chuck, the endless possibilities." Nate sighed, and pushed himself up, grabbing onto the arm of the ottoman for support. "But she told me that it wasn't just your fault. Told me not to blame you." He returned to his place on the couch as Chuck hesitantly sat up on his elbows, nervously trying to get to a standing position. N ate sighed, "I'm sorry Chuck." He breathed out, looking up into the eyes of the man who he had just had a glass pointed at his throat.

C huck sat down next to Nate, "Apology accepted Archibald, even if it is a little quick for someone who could have just killed me mere seconds ago." He watched as Nate collapsed his face into his hands and muttered out an exasperated "I don't know what's wrong." He continued to explain to Chuck about how he had been feeling over the past few hours, all the drinking, mixed emotions, and how he just didn't know what to make of it. A chuckle fell out of Chucks lips after Nate finished speaking.

"A re you really that stupid Nathaniel?" N ate shot Chuck a look of confusion and annoyance. "You may not be able to come to terms with it, but you obviously have really strong feelings for Jenny Humphrey." Nate collapsed into the back of the couch and placed his hands on his knees.

"I don't know Chuck. It's just, she's Jenny, Dan's little sister, still in high school." Chuck rolled his eyes in response.

"Are you being serious right now?" He exclaimed, "From what I can tell from the Gossip Girl blasts back when Jenny was 15, those facts hadn't stopped you from shoving your tongue down her throat." Nate laughed, "You know, you seem to be the only one who is completely oblivious to your feelings for Jenny. I don't think you've ever cared this much for a girl before in your life."

"Just look at the stunt you just tried to pull. I know you pushed me against a limo a few years ago for Blair, but I don't think you would have ever actually pinned me to the ground with a shard of glass held to my throat for her, or for anyone for that matter." Chuck got up from his place.

"Look Nate, you need to figure these things out, come to terms with the fact that you do have something strong for Jenny. From what I can tell the feeling is mutual too, you know she came looking for you that night. You're her everything, she relies on you to be there for her when she needs someone." Nate let out a sigh and collapsed back on the couch. "I don't know if you know or not, but she did come looking for you that night."

"Yeah I know, she told me" Nate mumbled in response. Chuck nodded his head,

"Right, well you know for her, you're like her guardian angel. You're always there for a shoulder to cry on, or just to talk. I know she's the same to you too. But you can't just leave her out in the cold like this Nathaniel. Though girls don't usually like to admit it, but they live for being saved by their princes. You might not see it, but you're her prince." Nate was flipped over on his stomach lounging against the arm of the couch. Chuck snickered, "You're like her knight .. her knight in shining armani." Nate rolled his eyes as Chuck continued to laugh.

"S ure." Nate muttered, flipping over on his back again. He started hearing Chuck's feet steps move away from him when they came to an abrupt stop.

"What's this?" He asked. Nate tilted his head back to see Chuck holding a familiar piece of paper.

He shrugged, "Oh, it's nothing. Just chuck it in the garbage." He murmured as he relaxed back into the couch. Chuck nodded.

"Well goodnight Archibald!" He exclaimed walking towards the door. All Chuck heard were a few grumbles which he assumed meant "Goodnight Chuck."

—

S he heard a faint knock on the door, glancing at the clock she saw it was 3:30AM. She hadn't been able to sleep all night, her phone kept vibrating from Nate calling her, and each time she pressed ignore. Though she listened to every message after the the other. Then once she heard the glass shatter in the background complete panic flew over her, she knew she couldn't go over to see him. Not now, not after what had happened. So instead she called the only guy she knew would go check on him, and not feel awkward about it.

She hurried over to the door and pulled it open. "Please tell me he's okay Chuck." Chuck nodded.

"He's fine." Jenny breathed out a sigh of relief, "He's just too drunk to think properly, and the room may be covered in glass, but I'm sure he'll be fine."

"We'll that's good! Thanks for checking up on him, I really appreciate it, have a good night!" She exclaimed trying to close to the door, but Chuck stepped inside. She grunted, "Look Chuck, I am not sleeping with you for a second time okay," Chuck laughed,

"Yes I know." Then his face got serious as he passed her a piece of crumpled paper. She opened it and read the first few words of the scribbled letter, _Dear Jenny. _

"What is this?" She asked folding the paper back up again.

"I found it on the floor next to Nate." He replied. "You should probably read it." He muttered as he nodded a goodbye and walked out the door leaving Jenny on the other side holding that thin sheet of paper in her hands.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, so this was originally only supposed to be a one shot, but I decided to take it further, thanks to a little motivation from a friend, so now it is a multi-part fic. I'm thinking of only writing on more part. But we will see how things go. Thanks for all the positive feed back on the first part guys! You're all the best

xx - Lydia


	3. We Only Struggle For So Long: Final Part

We Only Struggle For So Long

Multi-Part Fic

Final Part (Part 3)

_**Dear Jenny,**_

_**I know the last time I wrote you a letter, things didn't exactly go so well, and really you never got to read it, sometimes I think that happened for a reason, that it wasn't meant to be, but honestly I really do wish you got that letter. Who knows how things would've ended up then? Though this letter too, if all goes as planned, will probably never reach you. But if by some chance it does, there is one thing I want you to know **_

Jenny stood in front of the refrigerator staring blankly at the letter that she had stuck on with an old magnet. She had been staring at it for the past few hours trying to figure out what the smudged out, scribbled, whiskey stained, letter said. She'd made out the first few sentences, but after that it just cut off to illegible words.

Glancing at the clock she saw it was 5:25, still no sleep, and a train to catch at 7. She'd tried multiple times to just relaxing, but every time she felt as though she was almost at the point of sleep, the letter popped back into her head. Then her mind would fill with so many thoughts of what the rest of the letter said, or really what the end of that last illegible sentence said. Thousands of phrases running through her mind, _I hate you, I miss you, I want you, you should leave, I never had feelings for you, _then of course there was the obvious one. Still, she couldn't bring herself to even believe that he would ever feel, let alone write, that about her.

She had come to sitting on the floor, leaning against the counter. In front of her the letter staring back at her, to the right a packed suitcase and a few bags stood next to the door. On them rested her jacket and scarf. She let out a sigh and realized what she had to do.

Pushing herself up, she grabbed the letter off the refrigerator and shoved it in her pocket. Quickly she scribbled a note to Dan, telling him thanks for letting her stay in the loft, and she wrote how she hoped he had a good night out with Serena, since he still wasn't home. She slid the note under the spare key Dan had given her when she'd first left the Upper East Side, for when she visited, but she wouldn't be needing it ever again.

Glimpsing back at the clock, she saw it was now 5:45. Quickly she slid on her jacket and wrapped her scarf around her neck. Shoving her feet into her boots, she grabbed her bags and opened the door to the loft, pulling the suitcases out the door she took one last flash of the loft, then locking the door behind her she started heading out.

She had one hour to go see Nate, figure out what the letter said. Catch the train, and then never return to the Upper East Side.

Lightly she tapped on the door, but heard no movement. A second time she knocked, this time harder, but still no response. Trying the doorknob it didn't turn. She knew she should have taken it as a sign, still she knew if she didn't go see him, the remaining words of that letter would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Then she remembered, across from the door of Nate's room was a plant.

_They'd just returned from the movies, as they stood in the elevator, Nate was playing with his keys. Once the elevator doors opened on their floor, she snatched the keys from his hand and ran out of the elevator and headed towards Nate's room. She heard him start to laugh then shout after her,_

"_Jennifer Tallulah Humphrey!" Jenny had finally reached the door as she turned to see Nate making his way towards her; she placed the key into the lock,_

"_Oh Nate, you know how much I hate when people use my middle name…" Nate was almost at her when she turned the key and opened the door, rushing into his room locking the door behind her. She heard him chuckle from the hallway._

"_You think you're so smart don't you Humphrey." Jenny only giggled, but she stopped as she heard the doorknob turning. She started backing away. When the door swung open inside stepped Nate, with a key in his hand and his hands covered in dirt. Glancing behind him Jenny saw that there was a soil all over the hallway floor and the plant that sat on the wooden table had lost some leaves. Jenny smiled, as she whispered "oops". He grinned and shook his head,_

"_The people we get dirty for."_

She smiled at herself while looking down at the key that was now resting on the palm of her hand. Wiping her hands off on the white tablecloth, on which the plant rested on, she glided to the door on the opposite wall. Gently she placed the key into the lock, slowly turning the knob she heard the door unlock. Lightly she pressed the door open, as she walked into the room the stench of alcohol hit her in the face.

Walking down the main corridor she started to see the mess of which Nate had left, there was glass all over the room. Continuing further on she finally saw the one person she had come looking for. There he was sprawled out on the cushions, his hair disheveled, shirt slightly opened and his breath was heavy.

She dropped her bags and left her suitcase, walking towards Nate, she started whispering his name, gradually getting louder every time. Getting a few grunts in return. Sighing, she pulled the coffee table closer to the couch and sat upon it. She started nudging his shoulder,

"Nate…" he rolled over on his side. His face turned towards her, though his eyes still closed. "Nate," She said as she moved the hair out of his eyes, "It's Jenny." She watched his face as his eyelids started opening.

"Jenny," He whispered, "I'm so glad you're here." Slurring his words as he sat up and ran a hand down his face.

"I can't stay for long Nate, I just have to ask you " She stopped talking when she saw Nate try to stand up. Placing his hands on her shoulders for support he whispered,

"I don't feel so good Jenny." She sighed and maneuvered her hand around his back.

"Come on," she responded, helping him towards the bathroom. "You do what you have do, and I'll go get you something to settle your stomach." Nate nodded. As Jenny turned to walk away, she heard him vomit. "Gross." She whispered.

When she returned, Nate was no longer in the bathroom; a faint feeling of panic hit her, but faded away as she walked into Nate's room and saw him sitting on the side of his bed, only wearing a pair of navy plaid boxers. At the sight of him, Jenny could feel her face starting to flush.

She handed him a glass of water and two Advil. "Take these, they should help." Nate slurred a few words of thanks as he took them from her hands. As the water slipped down his throat, Jenny sat down next to him. She pulled out the letter from her pocket as Nate sat his glass down on the bedside table. He looked at the letter with confused eyes.

"After Chuck came to check on you he made a visit to the loft, and gave this to me." Passing it to him, he held it in his hands, his eyes reading over it. "I know you were drunk when you wrote this," she muttered, "and I know you're still drunk right now." She took a deep breath. "This is going to sound ridiculous but I haven't slept all night because of this stupid letter," she continued to ramble on, "And I probably won't ever sleep again until you tell me what exactly you wrote right when the words get all jumbled and messy." She sighed, and let out a nervous laugh, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, realizing how crazy she must have just sounded.

Nate placed down the letter, and Jenny looked anywhere but his eyes.

"Jenny," He breathed, grabbing her hand, and placing his other hand on the side of her face, turning her head so their eyes met. He could see her eyes were glistening with tears. "I," he started, still keeping his eyes on hers, "Jenny, I love you," he whispered, his words slurring.

Jenny gulped as she felt herself being drawn in towards Nate. When their lips were mere inches apart, she turned her head and his lips grazed her cheek as she stood up from the bed.

"Thank you," She uttered, "But nothing's changed Nate." She was almost out of his bedroom when she heard Nate's quiet, slurred voice,

"Stay," Jenny froze. "I've missed you so much," She turned around as Nate stood up from the bed and headed towards her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his naked chest, the smell of liquor intoxicating Jenny's senses. She could feel the tears falling on her cheeks, as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Just lay down with me," He muttered into her hair, "Like old times."

Jenny nodded against his shoulder, "Okay," she whispered. Removing one arm from his waist, they headed towards the bed.

In the same clothes she'd come in, she lied down on the sheets and Nate followed her. She grabbed the comforter and pulled it over them.

She tried her best to keep a good distance between herself and Nate, but Nate shortly pushed himself up against her, and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Goodnight Jenny." He mumbled, his voice sounded very close to her ear. Jenny responded with "Night." Then soon all she heard was the sound of Nate's breathing in her ear.

For the first time in 10 hours she'd been able to sleep.

She squinted her eyes as the morning sun hit her face, and let out a moan. When she was about to roll over she realized there was a hand on her waist. The sudden feeling made her eyes fly open. She processed the room and realized where she was, and when she looked down to the left, she also realized whose arm had been around her. The events of the previous night rushing through her brain, and those three words Nate had muttered.

Looking down at herself she realized she was still in the same outfit she'd worn yesterday. She started searching for her phone, and found it on the floor. She had two text messages from Dan,

Hey Jenny, just wanted to make sure you're safe and back in Hudson.

I'm getting worried, I tried the home number, no answer. Please get a hold of me ASAP!

_Hudson. _She checked the time, 10:30, _shit, _Jenny realized that she'd also missed her train. She jumped out of the bed, checking behind her to see that Nate was still sound asleep.

She noticed the letter lying on the floor; she picked it up and debated what to do with it. Quickly she scurried out of Nate's room quietly closing the door behind her. She placed the letter on the counter and flipped it to the blank side of the paper. She grabbed a pen and wrote,

_Let me know, when it's me that you want._

She started pulling on her boots when she heard the door unlock and a familiar voice chime in.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? Miss Jenny Humphrey performing the well known 'Walk of Shame' huh?" He chuckled. Jenny let out a groan,

"I do not have time for this Chuck, I need to go to the train station and try to catch the next train to Brooklyn." Still struggling to get her foot in her boot, "Now," she breathed, "Unless you have some magic way of getting me there faster, I suggest you please let me be!" She exclaimed. Once she'd had finally gotten herself situated she walked over to her suitcase and bags. She grabbed them and started walking away.

"So you're just going to leave?" Chuck muttered. Jenny stopped, but without turning around, replied,

"Nothing has changed Chuck, you and I both know that." With those last words she walked out of the door.

He woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs, as the scent wafted through his nose, he slowly started to awake. With awakening came the consequences of the night before. The headache. He sat up and placed his hand against his forehead. He looked to the right to see the bed empty, it wasn't the first time, but something felt missing.

Slowly he got up out of his bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a blue dress shirt he'd picked up off the floor, and headed towards the door, when he'd stepped out of his room he saw Chuck with a plate of food in front of him.

"Please tell me you didn't cook." Nate said, laughing at the thought. Chuck raised an eyebrow at him,

"Really Archibald? Do you know that little about me?" He exclaimed, "I ordered room service for you."

"Great, thanks." Nate replied, pulling a stool up to the counter. He placed his fork in his scrambled eggs when Chuck slid a piece of paper towards him.

"Jenny left this for you." Nate set his fork back down,

"Jenny…" he pondered, and then he picked up the paper and saw his own writing on the other side. "Oh my god Jenny." He said, remembering what had happened that night… what he said. Chuck shook his head,

"You've got to be kidding me. No wonder she fucking left this morning, you forgot about her even being here last night." Chuck shouted, aggravated by Nate's idiocy. "Do you remember anything that happened last night?" He asked, picking up a glass of orange juice.

Nate nodded, "I told her I loved her." Chuck's eyes widened and he sat that glass down.

"You what!" He exclaimed, "My god, no wonder she left." Chuck stopped and looked at Nate, "Did you mean it?"

"Well I," Nate stopped, after a pause he continued, "Yeah, I did… I do." Chuck nodded, then flipped the paper over and pointed to the sentence on the backside.

"Well maybe you should let someone know." Chuck said. Nate stood up from his stool.

"Right," Then his eyes started searching the room, "You haven't seen my phone around anywhere have you?" Then he felt the impact of Nate's palm on the back of his head. "Ow, what the hell Chuck!"

"Texting her, or calling her is exactly what a girl doesn't want. Come on Nate, you're more of a romanticist then this."

Nate raised an eyebrow at Chuck, "And you're usually not." Nate walked over towards the couch, looking for his coat, but just noticed the mess of glass shards he'd left on the floor.

"Shit," He whispered, he turned towards Chuck, "Sorry about this, I'll clean it up, I promise." Chuck laughed,

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure it will get cleaned by someone eventually." Nate grabbed his coat, and pulled on a pair of shoes. Chuck opened the door for him and patted him on the shoulder.

"Go do your thing Archibald."

She lay on her bed; the covers pulled up to her chin, and just stared at the ceiling. Watching the fan as it repeated its motions.

She'd only recently arrived back at her home in Hudson, and was somehow finding herself bored. She didn't feel like calling any of her friends here, she didn't feel like doing anything.

She'd tried sleeping, but once again, it didn't work. She also tried to work on some new dresses, after hers being sabotaged by the always lovely Miss Waldorf, but the inspiration and persistence she usually had was gone, all of this leaving her to feel broken.

Thus there she was, starring at the ceiling fan, knowing the only thing that could fix her right now was _he. _But he was back in the Upper East Side, the place she vowed to never return.

She looked at the clock, 1 PM, he was probably still asleep, but what if he wasn't? Her mind was gushing with thoughts now. She wondered if he saw what she wrote to him, whether he'd even remember anything from that night, or what he said, what he tried to do, or the way he wrapped his around her, pressing his body closer to hers.

Jenny quickly shook the memory from her mind. Flipping over on her stomach she screaming into her pillow, the effect he had over he was undeniable, and irresistible. She was still lying there flat on her face when she heard her phone vibrate on her bureau. She stuck her hand out of the sheets to grab it, assuming it was just one of her friends wanting to hang out, she was about it ignore it when she looked at the screen and saw

1 New Message:

Nate Archibald

She was curious and decided to press read,

I'll be sure to let you know.

Reading the message she screamed in agony, this time not into her pillow. It was just typical Nate, sending a quick little text message, never putting anything meaningful and in the end leaving her more lost, confused, and angrier then ever. She chucked her phone on the floor, and lay down on her bed. Enveloping herself in her comforter. She was done with all of it, all of his bullshit and the pain he put her through. She was done.

She felt the hotness of tears on her cheeks, and let them fall, slowly passing into a slumber, when she heard a knock on the door. Her mother had been out getting groceries, feeling obliged she got out of bed, not caring how much of a mess she looked in her plaid pajama pants and an old baggy t-shirt. Hearing the knock again she exclaimed.

"Coming!" She reached the door and pulled it open, though her brain didn't have enough time to process the figure in the doorway when she felt hands on the side of her face and a set of lips on hers, but it didn't take any time to recognize who those lips belonged to.

She stood stunned, the familiar softness of his lips molding into hers as she relaxed herself into him, grabbing the sides of his jacket, pulling them closer to one another.

After a few seconds he pulled away, she kept her eyes closed for a few seconds more, memorizing the way his lips felt on hers, slowly she opened her eyelids to see his eyes staring down at hers, filled with passion.

"Nate," She whispered, his name falling out of her mouth with a sweet sigh. He pushed a piece of hair behind her ear,

"Jenny Humphrey," He murmured, "I want you. I want you now. I want you tomorrow. I want you forever." A smile spread across Jenny's face,

"Okay!" She exclaimed, giggling a little bit. Nate raised an eyebrow.

"Okay?" He asked. She kept smiling as she wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him towards her, their lips brushed against each other's as she whispered "Okay." She pressed their lips together, moving slowly in sync. He pulled away and smiled.

"Okay!" He nodded; she smiled and laughed pulling him further into the house and shutting the door behind him. It wasn't long before their lips feverishly attacked one another again, as she lead him towards her open door.

_**When the pain subsides and the struggle is over,**_

_**We finally find the one, our true lover.**_


End file.
